The spots were distributed, as expected. They ran, as expected. And the response was, as expected. The ads had run twice in all ninety-eight outlets, and a third time in twenty more before the DNC received the first call. The ad ran a third time in the remaining seventy-eight outlets before the DNC finally got to Terry at Lying Eyes.
Propriety prevents me from relating the joke that spawned the “fit hitting the shan” description, but suffice to say that several adjectives were accurate when describing the DNC’s reaction, to wit: angry, enraged, ferocious, furious, hostile, infuriated, irate, rabid, and my all-time favorite, pi$$ed.
Yet, all of that hostility seemed as insignificant as a fart in a hurricane when compared to Barack Hussein Obama’s reaction when he heard the news.
He flew into a biracial rage, cussing in tongues others couldn’t understand. He put his fist through the family room wall. He kicked his daughter’s tiny, fluffy bunny into a laundry hamper and threw her hamster into the fireplace. He banged his head against the fireplace stone until he bled. He beat his fists against a patio door until the glass broke. Then he kicked a hole in a pantry door. He screamed so loud (and in a pitch that only dogs could hear) the glass fronts on kitchen cabinets shattered. He was deconstructing his house until Michelle slapped him upside his head. And he collapsed, sobbing.
And the extent of the disaster was just beginning to register.
What happened was: a fifteen-second spot and two thirty-second spots ran a total of 294 times in the space of two hours. So, instead of 294 spots negative to McCain, Mighty Mom had caused 294 spots positive for McCain to run – a net change of 588 opportunities to change a voter’s mind – towards a McCain/Palin vote.
A quick investigation found the modified ads under the proper file names on Lying Eyes’ computer. So it was easy to explain what happened from there on – but the puzzlement was: how the hell did someone change the finished spots?
There was no evidence of break-in, the doors were locked and the security system was on when Terry Ahkey arrived at 5:30. No fingerprints were found (Mighty Mom wears snappy red gloves) and no witnesses saw anything – at least, no credible witnesses.
Er, … except for that old wino dude who said, “I seen er, I seen a masked woman wearing a snappy red, white, and blue frock … flying.”
“Sober up, grandpa, you were seeing things.” They knew better.