After a late flight to Cleveland on Tuesday, the group met for breakfast late Wednesday morning. John and Cary Okie had seen the video of the Olbermann interview and were elated with the way Sarah handled the blowhard (little did they know how much she really exposed him). She had earned her stripes from John and Cary with that interview.
They were due to go to the West Side Market for pierogies, a Polish stuffed dumpling that Cleveland is famous for. Then, John and Sarah would meet and greet folks – press the flesh, and mingle. It had been publicized that the candidates would be at the market at lunchtime and a large enthusiastic crowd was expected. A dozen secret service agents (and dogs) went in early and checked out the indoor market area.
Then, the unexpected happened. The McCain/Palin agents happened upon agents tasked with the protection of Joe Biden – apparently, they were both at the marketplace at the same time – how could this be? What the [bleep] happened? It wasn’t the end of the world, but it sure made for an uncomfortable situation. The McCain/Palin contingent outnumbered the Biden security team and had higher ranking subjects and therefore had command authority. The two AICs consulted and decided to query the subjects about what they wanted to do.
John McCain said that it wasn’t a big deal, even if they ran into each other, they could simply greet, exchange a few pleasantries, and move on. Biden said pretty much the same thing (only he used a few hundred selected words) – boiled down to: it shouldn’t be a problem.
So, the stage was set for the shootout at the West Side Market. [que the western harmonica music] And coincidently, it was almost HIGH NOON.
The McCain/Palin group arrived at the Pierogi Palace stand and ordered pierogis. With precious little place to sit down, they ate standing while the crowd watched. For some reason, people like to watch celebrities eat. Maybe they’re on the lookout for a little something stuck in teeth, or some sauce that dripped on a shirt or dress, or maybe juice running down a chin, etc. Maybe it just makes a celeb more human, who knows?
They ate quickly and started a walking tour of the market. They split with John and his group heading towards the left aisle and Sarah going to the right – they’d be separated by the booths in the middle.
Walking just a short distance, Sarah saw him before he saw her. It was Joe Biden. He was turned, talking to someone and when he turned back, he almost walked right into her. “Oh, Governor, good to see you.” He smiled and extended his hand. Sarah took it while looking into Joe’s innards. He wasn’t as bad as some – he was mostly just plain ordinary. He wasn’t smart enough to understand what was going on around him – why he didn’t win the Presidential nomination – why he was selected as a Vice Presidential candidate, why he was at the West Side Market. He was just plain clueless, like a toy train running without a track to guide it. She really didn’t want to engage in a conversation with him; he was known to be the filibuster talking champion of the Senate, it was said that he could talk for hours without actually saying anything.
Sarah was polite, “Hi, Senator – we heard that you were here.” “This place is big – lots of walking, how’re you holding up?” It was like Sarah flipped a switch. Without any warning, Joe started in:
“up and up and up and the future keeps hopping further and further away as you reach for your little froggy blah blah they jump away so you know ladies and gentlemen I believe in my shorts we cannot live as a chili dog stand for more of this flim flam yada yada we cannot win giving jelly to big oil and then french kiss a dung beatle while the hicks are scratching their behinds and hamsters are mating with their feet blah blah we can't afford four more innings of a butter knife that does nothing while they watch the scrabble and hominy markets collapse ... ”
Sarah thought she had better disengage, “Ah, Senator, I’m glad we had this opportunity …“ She didn’t even finish before the verbal diarrhea continued. Sarah wished she knew where the “off” switch was.
“an opportunity to rid the world of split ends and toe cheese blah blah to change the diapers of susan b anthony but literally to squeeze the jello and slap the mustard yada yada barack obama and i believes we believes with every artificial juice in our tamales that we are so refined there's not a suppository we cannot face blah blah if we level with the short sheet yada yada and i say that to say when have bozo the clown ever let his shorts down blah blah blah when they've asked elmer fudd to spank him rama lama ding dong … ”“
Whoa … what did he say?” Sarah thought, and I’m supposed to debate this joker? “Senator, we’ve got to move on, good to see you.”
“You cant change paula abdul without talcum powder blah blah and these be his own words dog cat emu monkey in the pot roast as you swap underwear and make pink things fluffy yada yada yada and you closed your banjo but don’t cry when you can't give your auntie a hicky-foot blah blah so you chuckle and slap brie and smell polished dirt and we can't fart square checkers … “
As Sarah moved away, Joe’s words were still flowing, “or tickle concrete yada yada when you lick flypaper and stack smelly boxes and laminate goat hooves.
”Everyone within earshot were shaking their heads as if that would somehow rearrange the Senator’s words into something that made sense – to no avail – one thing was certain, he made no sense at all.
Sarah felt much better about the upcoming debate now. Not only did the Senator not know when to stop, he couldn’t even string together a coherent group of words. Wow. Bring on the debate!